Behaviors that we used to attribute to someone’s personality traits, or that we had previously labeled as exaggerated, could now be understood with clarity and precision through the lens of attachment. Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.Īrmed with our new insights about the implications of attachment styles in everyday life, we started to perceive people’s actions very differently. Some more background from the first chapter:Īdult attachment designates three main “attachment styles,” or manners in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in romantic relationships, which parallel those found in children: Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. In this book we limit ourselves to romantic attachment and romantic relationships.
Attachment theory is a vast and complex field of research that pertains to child development and parenting as well as to romantic relationships.
In this book we have distilled years of adult romantic attachment research into a practical guide for the reader who wishes to find a good relationship or improve his or her existing one. The first paragraph of the Author’s Note at the beginning sums up what the authors are doing here: Meanwhile, while neither of those conditions is true, I definitely have enjoyed reading the insights this book provides. By the same token, if my ex-husband were ever to want to reconcile, I’d buy myself a copy of this book, in order to avoid some of the mistakes of the past, which I can see clearly written here. I think this is one of the best guides I’ve ever read to choosing a partner with whom you can more easily build a harmonious relationship. If I ever decide to seriously date again, I am definitely going to buy myself a copy of this book. What’s more, I would love to be more secure in relationships, and this book has much to teach me about that, too. There’s much here that’s applicable to any relationship, not just a romantic one, and it also gives me insight into myself and what makes me anxious. But I think it’s important to figure out what went wrong and how I could do better next time, if there is a next time. Perhaps it’s silly for me, recently divorced, to read books on relationships. And How It Can Help You Find - And Keep - Loveīy Amir Levine, M.
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